2018-03-05 / Et Cetera

Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling because my stepson has chosen to get married on my birthday. I have been his stepmom for 18 years. It feels like a punch in the chest. My in-law family members are saying things like “OMG, how do you feel about that? I can’t believe you’re going to let that happen. It will no longer be YOUR special day.”

My feelings are deeply hurt. My husband says it’s no big deal and I shouldn’t let it bother me. But every time someone asks me about it, I feel hurt, and when I’m finally by myself, I cry. I don’t know what to do. I need someone’s help. Is what my stepson is doing bad etiquette, a slap in the face or no big deal?


DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: That your stepson would be married on your birthday isn’t a slap in the face; it’s a compliment. If you like his fiancee, consider her to be the ultimate birthday present. I’m surprised anyone would imply, as your in-laws have, that their anniversary would create any kind of conflict. Think of it this way: Your stepson and his new wife will never forget your birthday.

DEAR ABBY: As a single man, I have been on a few dating websites, and I’d like to say something to the women I have encountered: What is it about you that makes you worth my time to pursue? Many women show a lot of pictures, but reveal very little about them- SELVES. Then some of them say in their last sentence that they “want more than 10 words to say hello.” These women seem well-educated but unable to write more than a short paragraph about who they are.

Ladies, if you want more than a hi or hello, write something about yourselves beyond your likes and dislikes. Describe who you are, what your hopes and dreams are, and say something that I, as a man, would respond to in my introduction. If you did, it would help me to determine whether I should pursue you.


DEAR IN THE DARK: You make a valid point. I’ll be sure to reread your letter if I ever need to join a dating site, and so, I am sure, will my “sisters” out there. Thanks for the heads-up!

DEAR ABBY: My sister in-law has had an incredible amount of cosmetic work done, particularly on her face. She is constantly looking for the next new thing to try to look younger — “push this up, tighten that up, erase these marks,” etc.

She is a pretty girl, and she thinks this is making her better-looking, but it’s making her look worse. Should I let her know how I feel about what she’s doing or leave it alone?


DEAR AGING GRACEFULLY: What your sister-in-law does with her face and body is her business, just as what you are doing — or not doing — with yours is your choice. Much as you are tempted to tell her that her attempts to look better are futile, if you want a cordial relationship with her, keep your opinion to yourself.

Write Dear Abby
at DearAbby.com.

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Right on about the step-son

Right on about the step-son marriage story. He is honoring his step-mother and the in-laws need to be quiet.